Sir, it will now be a joy

to drive a pickup where all you have to do to stop it is step on the brake pedal.
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I can certainly see how you feel about Miss Angie's advances toward you, Sir. If I were in your shoes I would want to have nothing to do with a woman as foolish enough
to want a long term relationship with you.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sir, I sufferred a flat tire in the pickup while in town. We now owe Blaine a tire, as I noticed that his tires fit our pickup...Right, Sir. We owe him a new may pop, as I left him with the balonay skins.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------



My other blog is Piccolo's Hash.
Day to day observations

http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/

Sir, could I please take the day off?

Thank you, Sir.

My other blog is Piccolo's Hash.
Day to day observations

http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/

Is there anything specific that we need, Sir? I noticed the people on the better side of town are putting their rubbish tins out this afternoon.
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The barman at the Ship's wheel told me to tell you that there is fresh meat at the gentleman's club. I told him we had a freezer full of venison and he gave me an odd look...Oh... Now I do feel foolish, Sir.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Water skiing? Behind a fishing boat?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------




My other blog is Piccolo's Hash.
Day to day observations

http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/

Sir, you look exhausted

I shalll let you sleep in.

My other blog is Piccolo's Hash.
Day to day observations

http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/

Sir, In the past six

months, I have become adept at the use of small arms and have learned the art of evasive driving. When I leave you, I shall be well prepared for VIP protection!
Sir, I shall tell them that Elvis has left the building!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Sir, I noticed the tide was falling. In about an hour, the table will be set!
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I do not believe that was one of your better ideas, Sir.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Lord, What is going to happen next!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------


My other blog is Piccolo's Hash.
Day to day observations

http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/

What was that noise outside, Sir? Oh…You say they don’t eat much?... I see……..Uh, Sir, How much is ‘not much’?
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I suppose if I was carrying a rifle capable of stopping a bear in its tracks, I wouldn’t be too concerned about it, either, Sir.
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You have managed to teach me one thing, Sir, about whiskies. When you want a drink and you want to KNOW you have had one, reach for American Bourbon whiskey. Would you please pass me the Jim Beam!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


That is quite compassionate of you to help that woman changing her career, Sir. She will no longer work at the bordello. It must have been difficult for her to put together a resume, but you were clever, Sir, with her work history. Listing ‘worked under a number of different people in various interesting positions’ covered up a lot.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is probably going on your permanent record, Sir.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What are you doing crawling under that pickup with a fish, Sir… The catalytic converter?…I see, Sir.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You do realize he will be upset when he finds out about this, Sir.
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Sir, the caretaker of the sanitary landfill has been very good to us lately. I dropped him off a bottle of that hootch the native chap made for us. He was most grateful. He also told me to tell you he has put a few of the finer items aside for your perusal… Thank you for the compliment, Sir. I do try my best.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------



My other blog is Piccolo's Hash.
Day to day observations

http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/

Ahhh, we’re making wine today? Sir,

I see a five gallon water cooler bottle, 5 pounds of sugar, three packages of yeast and a condom. To the vineyard, Sir?... Oh…Three cans of concentrated grape juice? Thank God! For a second you frightened me. I had visions of Lucille Ball and Vivian Vance barefoot in a vat of grapes.
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Sir, I realize that this is none of my business, but I often thought you should have sought out employment on one of the fishing boats. This morning I realized that you live somewhat better than most of the fishermen without exposing yourself to considerable risk and a lot more trouble.
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That sounds excellent, Sir, and you are absolutely correct. Venison, King crab, halibut, scallops and salmon does get tiring. A cheeseburger at the diner sounds most superb.
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Sir, I did not graduate from a prestigious school of the butler arts by being so foolish as to jump out of a perfectly good airplane…
-----------------------

6 hours later: “Geronimo!”
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Sir, you don’t intend to butcher that animal with a reciprocating saw… Oh… Well at least it won’t make as big a mess as the circular saw did last month.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why are you carrying that chain saw? We certainly do not need any more fire wood… You say that McAdams character owes you how much money? Well, it certainly looks like you’ll collect it, Sir!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That woman that works at the pizza palace came by and dropped off a pizza and six bottles of beer. It was certainly very nice of her…Oh. I see, Sir. That was for me? Why, thank you. That was gracious… You’ll see me tomorrow?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------





My other blog is Piccolo's Hash.
Day to day observations

http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/

Your point is taken, Sir.

That City Councilman has considerably more to lose than you. A camera does seem like a wise investment..
----------------------------------------------------------------

Sir, it seems to me that a man in your position has to make no effort whatsoever at keeping up appearances.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Why, Sir?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why not, Sir?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have noticed that you admit to every and all accusation people make about you…You are certainly correct, Sir. With that approach, nobody can blackmail you!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

File it under 'C' Sir? Oh, very good. Chicken ahem...droppings. I see...Wait a second, we don't have a file cabinet...Oh, the glove box.

------------------------------------------------------------------
Did that hurt, Sir?
-----------------------------------------------------------------










My other blog is Piccolo's Hash.
Day to day observations

http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/

It just occurred to me

that we are watching television by candle light. It’s almost like that Edison chap had never been born, Sir.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Lord, Sir! There are more fish here than we possibly need…Call the chaps and tell them we’re having a ‘fish fry’ tonight? They’ll bring the beer? Outstanding, as you just finished the last one we had with your breakfast.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Sir, there’s someone sleeping in the pickup that I do not recognize…Yes, Sir. The ditch. Do let me help you.
-------------------------------------------------------------------

At first, I thought it to be most savage when you shot that poor, defenseless animal, Sir. However, I do now confess to looking forward to an excellent series of repasts.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sir, a rock must have punctured the muffler on the pickup…a coffee can and wire? Immediately, Sir.

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Sir, I checked with the barman at the Ship’s Wheel, and he told me that that little savage that we put on the freight train has returned from Manitoba… Certainly, Sir. I’ll check the rail yards daily… Montreal, it is.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Keep two paper bags accessible, Sir? One for you in case hers falls off? I don’t quite understand…Oh.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------


My other blog is Piccolo's Hash.
Day to day observations

http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/

Sir, all of the excitement has

overwhelmed me. Could you do without my services tomorrow, and perhaps you could afford to permit me the use of that bottle of ‘hootch’ the native chap made?

And with that, the butler took the day off.



My other blog is Piccolo's Hash.
Day to day observations

http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/

Yes, I do see who

is headed into that portable loo, Sir. It’s that little insufferable savage that has made trouble with us for quite some time…What? ...Wait until he is comfortable seated on the throne? … We lift from the back so the whole thing lands on the door? Why, he’ll have a devil of a time getting out! …Right, Sir. Then we won’t have to run… I see... On ‘3’ we lift smartly… Do lift with your legs, Sir, as I would hate to see you injure your back.
-------------------------------------------------------------


That was quite gracious, Sir.
=========================================================================

Uh, By ‘shampoo’, Sir, are you referring to the liquid dish soap or the cudgel next to it?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The constable stopped across the street, Sir…sir…sir…SIR! I swear he was here a minute ago…
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh, Lord. It looks like you will again be washing your hands in petrol, on the other hand, it’s rather nice driving a truck with brakes for a change.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes, Sir, it DOES work, I’ll say that.
===============================================================================


Fishing tackle, Sir? But the box is clearly marked as containing explosives! In the truck? Under the tarp? At once, Sir.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
When this year is up, Sir, I’m going to see if that Indiana Jones chap can use my services. Lord knows, working for most anyone else will be quite boring after my year with you. On the other hand, it WOULD be considerably safer.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I must he the only butler in my class that puts on a fresh set of coveralls to receive guests.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That redheaded lass, Sir…What do you mean? I cannot possibly comprehend how a freight train can take a dirt road…Oh.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
As you are so fond of saying, Sir, That ought to fix his rotten little arse.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------













My other blog is Piccolo's Hash.
Day to day observations

http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/

I'm quite impressed, Sir.

You fixed the starter in the pickup! Now we don’t have to find a hill to park on everywhere we go.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Sir, I have most ghastly news. The barman at the Ship’s Wheel informed me that Lisa Gale went down with all hands… Yes, Sir. I understand you knew the entire crew…I can certainly see why you feel like a fugitive from the law of averages, Sir.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Uh, Sir, the started you rebuilt just failed…Go into the bar and round up the usual chaps? Which bar?… The nearest one? Yes, Sir.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

That man has the most ghastly odor about him, his coveralls smell like over ripe fish. What? You say that in this town that is what money smell like? I see, Sir.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

That greasy little thug that keeps trying to pick a fight with you seems to have passed out. What? Get the pickup, you say? ...You can’t be serious, we’re not giving him a ride home…Oh, I see…The rail yard?... The box car?... Manitoba? I’ll get the pickup immediately, Sir!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

That was quite a nasty spill you took, Sir. You what? Well, I’m certainly glad for your sake that you had the presence of mind to land on your head.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

You call this stew Texas jailhouse chili?... Great Scott! It most certainly appears I won’t need sinus medication for a while!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------



My other blog is Piccolo's Hash.
Day to day observations

http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/

Good lord, Sir. I am in

total awe! Why, it’s most astonishing what a shave, a haircut and a thrift shop suit can do! I would have never thought it possible! You look like you have been plucked straight out of a Saville Row tailor’s arse, Sir!
----------------------------------------------------------------

I have taken careful note of the fact, Sir, that you take a little time out to try make the less fortunate. Why, you made that poor wretched soul feel a bit better about himself. I am quite sure that not very may of my future employers would even give any of these people the time of day…You’re right, Sir, and I am humbled. We are in fact only a small step away from that…Upon giving it a bit more thought, Sir, EVERYONE is a small short step from that. You simply realize it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------


The wooden shampoo, Sir? ...Oh…. Do you want the baseball bat or will this board suffice?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

The kitchen is going to be rather nasty when you finish cleaning and packaging that animal, Sir, and I suppose you’ll use petrol to mop the floor again. This time do remember to extinguish all pilot lights, as the last time you failed to do so, it took considerable time for your hair, beard and eyebrows to grow back.
--------------------------------------------------------------------


Sir, at the wrecking yard today when you were discussing new tires for the pickup, there were two terms I was most unfamiliar with. What’s the difference between a ‘baloney skin’ and a ‘may-pop’?
----------------------------------------------------------------------


When you said ‘snake’, Sir, were you referring to a serpent or that despicable creature sitting at the end of the bar?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That young lady isn’t the most attractive sort, Sir, but I suppose our lack of electricity will vastly improve her appearance later this evening.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I fail to see how you are going to place the contents of two full military kitbags in that single washing machine, Sir. On the other hand, I notice you are wearing a rather substantial pair of boots.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------



My other blog is Piccolo's Hash.
Day to day observations

http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/

I notice you are very kind to the unfortunate, Sir...

… You are absolutely right. They most certainly ARE the ones you will meet again if you reach the top and then fall to the bottom.
---------------------------------------------------------

Sir, I have just returned from town, Sir. The barman at the Ships Wheel told me to inform you that the fishing fleet is at sea, there are a considerable amount of women out and about and that South Sea Island chap has been returned to what he referred to as ‘the booby hatch’. It looks to me like the table is set, so to speak.

---------------------------------------------------------------------


On top of that, those homeless people do wonderful job of keeping you posted on the affairs of the town. You have missed your true calling. You should have been an MI-5…ahem.. CIA operative, Sir.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Sir, I asked the barman who the town drunk was and he explained that there was no one town drunk. You all take turns. Judging from the way you downed those last four cocktails, Sir, am I to assume that tonight you are taking your turn?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Good God, Sir!

------------------------------------------------------------------------


That’s the last of the elk, Sir? I’ll admit it was a trifle tiring, Sir. However, it has made me grateful there are no elephants here.

------------------------------------------------------------------------









My other blog is Piccolo's Hash.
Day to day observations

http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/

Isn’t that taking a rather unfair advantage

of other people’s misfortunes, Sir? I see… You’re quite right, Sir. I never considered it in that light. Why that is EXACTLY what the majority of Harvard Law School graduates do!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------


This could lead to blows, Sir.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Having no electricity certainly does make the women considerably more attractive, Sir.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh, Dear! You have ruined your good suit of clothes! Tomorrow morning I shall go straight to the thrift store and purchase another pair of ‘gently used’ blue jeans and a complimentary matching flannel shirt, Sir.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I seem to have observed that your set of army surplus stainless steel dinnerware is far more practical than bone china, Sir.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I see the fire department is conducting a pressure test of the hydrants today… Free car wash? Excellent idea, Sir. The pickup can certainly use it.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------


Your financial advisor says ‘sell’? I’ll load the empty aluminum beer cans into the pickup at once, Sir!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




My other blog is Piccolo's Hash.
Day to day observations

http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/

Ahh, a shopping trip is on the schedule, how

delightful! Will the days shopping commence at the wrecking yard, Larry's Army surplus,the Salvation Army thrift store or the sanitary landfill, Sir?

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I fail to see how someone's generosity changes with the setting of the sun, Sir...I see. I shall get you the navy watch sweater for this endeavour...Oh, and I highly recommend you blacken your face.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Sir, I checked at the Ship's Wheel and there was a message from a Marie. It seems that the cable telly people want a rather large sum to reconnect her service. Although she said she was strapped for cash, Candice from the gentlemman's club owes her a few favors...Yes, Sir. I'll get the tool kit.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Sir, I must confess that when I was a student, I took a rather seedy room in s somewhat dubious neighborhood. I took to keeping a cricket bat nearby in case I had to fend of an unwanted intruder. I can now see that an American baseball bat would have been a far superior instrument, as you have so capably demonstrated on that little thug, Sir.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

You are actually paying CASH for this, Sir?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

We're crossing the creek here, Sir? I see no bridge, nor stepping stones...You call this a what? ... A 'Tarzan rope' Sir?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------


The Hash blog is up for the day;

http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

piccolo's butler

Brooks Brothers suit, Sir? Oh, that's what you call that 'gently worn' pair of jeans and flannel shirt you bought at the Salvation Army thrift store.
-------------------------------------------------------

Sir, I'm quite impressed to hear you have vetenary skill, but I fear I can not find the 'bear medicine' you sent me to get. I've searched all the cupboards and see nothing appropriately labeled as such...The what, Sir? The .375 H&H? I presume you are referring to that rather large rifle you keep next to the door, Sir.

------------------------------------------------------
Sir, I believe Sir Winston Churchill was right when he said 'Two peoples seperated by a common language".

------------------------------------------------------

Sir, wasn't that quite a prominant citizen you embarrassed? Oh, I see. You say you won't have to buy a drink for two weeks? I don't understand. Ahhh.... I see, Sir. The natives don't care very much for him.
----------------------------------------------------

Yes, sir, she really is quite an eyeful. I believe the term you used to describe her twin sister was along the lines of 'constructed like an adobe loo', Sir.
----------------------------------------------------


The daily hash has been posted: http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/

--------------------------------------------------

Piccolo's butler

A train trip? How exciting, but I didn't know the rails had a passenger depot here, Sir... I see. Well, I'll pack our kits at once.....Right, Sir. Third box car.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What a first-class job you did repairing that kitchen, Sir. You are certainly quite talented with your hands. What was that newspaper wrapped package you hid under the cabinet? You say it's a fish? Well, that will certainly make her put your bill straight to the to of her 'fees to be remitted' list, now, won't it?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Oh, Dear, you can not possible be serious.......

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sir, why do you refer to that case of inexpensive liquor as 'trading stock'?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The beginnings of the butler

are explained on my other blog, Piccolo's Hash.

The butler ancedotes in the hash came from something in my somewhat checkered history.

Here's a link. http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/2010/01/piccolos-butler.html

The link will briefly explain where my butler came from.

I have also decided to rename him 'Reginald'


With no further ado, I will begin posting things Reginald said during his year of service to me.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sir, this is a culinary masterpiece! It's absolutely delicious! Why is it called 'Road Kill Stew"?...Oh.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You don't seem to be drinking very much tonight, Sir...Yes, I noticed the locals putting out their rubbish tins on out way home. What? Sidewalk shopping,you call it? ... I shall certainly see you are up before the rubbish is removed, Sir, as there are doubtlessly a few things we can use.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Is this a state or Federal level offence, Sir?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Egad, Sir! You scaled that stripling tree like a cat!....Uh, Sir? Does this have anything to do with that rather large brown animal headed in this direction?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Sir, you DID appear to have a rather entertaining time last evening..... This morning several of the chaps were laughing about wearing that woman's panties while traipsing about in the gentleman's club...Yes...You don't remember very much of it? I see, Sir...While, the chaps downtown made it sound like, uh, rather deviant behaviour on your part, Sir, but I think I managed to clear it up a bit when I explained that you were actually wearing her knickers on your head, Sir.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------



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