Good lord, Sir. I am in

total awe! Why, it’s most astonishing what a shave, a haircut and a thrift shop suit can do! I would have never thought it possible! You look like you have been plucked straight out of a Saville Row tailor’s arse, Sir!
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I have taken careful note of the fact, Sir, that you take a little time out to try make the less fortunate. Why, you made that poor wretched soul feel a bit better about himself. I am quite sure that not very may of my future employers would even give any of these people the time of day…You’re right, Sir, and I am humbled. We are in fact only a small step away from that…Upon giving it a bit more thought, Sir, EVERYONE is a small short step from that. You simply realize it.
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The wooden shampoo, Sir? ...Oh…. Do you want the baseball bat or will this board suffice?
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The kitchen is going to be rather nasty when you finish cleaning and packaging that animal, Sir, and I suppose you’ll use petrol to mop the floor again. This time do remember to extinguish all pilot lights, as the last time you failed to do so, it took considerable time for your hair, beard and eyebrows to grow back.
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Sir, at the wrecking yard today when you were discussing new tires for the pickup, there were two terms I was most unfamiliar with. What’s the difference between a ‘baloney skin’ and a ‘may-pop’?
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When you said ‘snake’, Sir, were you referring to a serpent or that despicable creature sitting at the end of the bar?
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That young lady isn’t the most attractive sort, Sir, but I suppose our lack of electricity will vastly improve her appearance later this evening.

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I fail to see how you are going to place the contents of two full military kitbags in that single washing machine, Sir. On the other hand, I notice you are wearing a rather substantial pair of boots.

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My other blog is Piccolo's Hash.
Day to day observations

http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/